Becoming Ms. Frizzle

Every single time I hear about sharing burdens I remember the song "Lean on Me." The song tells those listening to find a friend to lean on in the hard times. It reminds everybody that friends can help carry your burden. BUT, it left out a key verse. The missing verse should have said that in addition to sharing your worries and troubles, share your joys and happiness.

Sometimes the strongest lessons are the ones that hurt the most. Tonight somebody loved me enough to tell me she wanted to share in my joys, that she had been my burden bearer for too long. She was absolutely right. I have been selfish. I have passed along my troubles, withheld my excitement, and offered neither a shoulder nor a shared laugh. It takes incredible strength and bravery to confront a friend. I am reminded of Neville in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. At the end of the story, Dumbledore awards Neville points for standing up to his friends saying that "It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends."

We are all familiar with the benefits of unloading our baggage on others-it takes the weight off of our shoulders. I think, however, we overlook the power of sharing our joys. Joy is like love, the more you share, the more you have. It doesn't diminish what you already possess, rather sharing allows joy to grow and become bigger than possible when in solitary confinement. Also, friends want to delight in life's greatness, they want to be witness to all that Life is offering you. Sharing the gift of joy makes bearing burdens easier.

For those of you with whom I've shared only my burdens, I am choosing to share my joys (we'll call them the mountains amidst the valleys) with you today.

1. I've been blessed with 3 incredible job opportunities this semester which will prepare me for my goal of becoming a teacher. I am tutoring 7th and 8th graders at a local middle school. Each day I leave that classroom I have a smile on my face no matter the behavior of the students. They bring me joy. They make my heart smile. I also have the daunting/exciting task of rebuilding the college ministry at Covenant Presbyterian Church. I look at it as a challenge in realm of pioneering. I've begun to see progress in the short 3 weeks which I have been employed and I know that it is God doing amazing work for His kingdom. My third job is the one that challenges me most, but also makes me grow the most. I have the terrifying role known as substitute teacher. I have yet to experience a subbing position that didn't leave me beaten at the end of the day, but today I choose to find lessons to be learned. I am learning, as a future teacher, to respect those brave souls who will sub for me. I am learning to strike fear into the hearts of my future students lest they treat any sub poorly. I am learning to be flexible (probably the most difficult of those lessons for this Type A).

2. I am finally being poured into at church. This semester I discovered a group called the Quarter Lifers at the Methodist church I attend and have fallen in love with their fellowship. I am being challenged. I am being fed. I am being led. God is so good! We're currently reading Blue Like Jazz for our book club and I am being challenged in my faith every week. This group is not afraid to ask the "scary" questions, they are not afraid to make me feel uncomfortable in my own skin. They are fierce.

3. No school=free time to read. This semester I have already read Wild at Heart and Captivating in which I learned heaps of information about my heart and the hearts of the men that are around me. I've learned that I'm running from the One who I should be running toward. God is passionately pursuing a real, deep, and intimate relationship with me, yet I'm running away! Recognizing this is the first step in healing. The second step I'm taking is...(see number 4)

4. I've made a true commitment to myself and God that I will for the first time in my life read my Bible cover to cover. I am currently half-way through Exodus and I'm finding amazing insight every day!

5. I have some amazing friends who have shouldered more of their fair share of my burden. They have listened, and listened, and listened some more. Hopefully they are reading now to share in my (previously) hidden/hoarded joy.

I am reminded of The Secret Garden (for some reason I'm filled with pop-culture references today). The joys in our lives are like gardens filled with beautiful flowers, and if we hide the keys to our gardens we prevent ourselves from seeing joy in others. So, I challenge you to join me in unlocking your garden, becoming vulnerable, and sharing the wonders that God has given you!

Below you will find my first assignment for my certification process. If you are confused, it regards my ideas about my educational experience, my goals as an educator, and my views on the purpose of education. Happy Reading!

I was fortunate to go to school in a very nurturing environment where a love of learning was fostered and nourished. As is expected in thirteen years of education, I had experiences that were fulfilling and others that were disappointing. The teachers that I remember best were those that challenged me to learn as much as possible and who ensured that I had a firm grasp of the material. These teachers, I now know, loved not only teaching and growing minds, but they also loved learning, especially in their content area. They set an example that learning could be exciting. They were model students and masters of information exploration. I dreaded most the classrooms in which surpassing the state requirements for learning was not an option. These teachers taught to a test and taught how to take a test, but never beyond those measures. I felt that I was suffocating between the margins and that there was little to no room for uncharted growth.

I believe that the goal of education is to eventually make the need for teachers obsolete. This does not come from the replacement of teachers with computer technology, rather from the inspiration of great teaching. Great teachers have the ability to pass along a love of learning and acquiring as much knowledge as possible. In a perfect world, students would get so excited about the prospect of new knowledge that they would seek it out until they found it. Teachers would become facilitators of exploration rather than instructors simply imparting the knowledge they have acquired. In a perfect world, the student becomes their own teacher because their insatiable need for knowledge extends beyond they classroom.

However, we do not and will not ever live in that perfect world. Thus the teacher’s job is to work toward that goal of extinction each and every year. A teacher has the responsibility to provide a safe and conducive environment in which students can learn. When students feel safe they will then feel comfortable enough to accept knowledge and begin to explore the capacities of their minds. A wise teacher once told me that “Students don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” Teachers must want to be where they are. They must want to be imparters of wisdom. They must enjoy working with students. Once knowledge acquisition begins, an excitement and love of learning can take root, and the best way a teacher can inspire students to love learning and exploration of new frontiers is to lead by example. So teachers ought to first provide an appropriate arena for learning and then lead the way through uncharted territory.

I believe as a science teacher I have the easiest job when it comes to inspiring students to go to unexplored regions of the world. In my classroom I plan to give brief lectures followed by interaction with the concept. Group lab work and discussion will be done on a regular basis so that content can be applied since action is often the best teacher. In this way I also hope to reach all learning types, auditory, visual, and kinesthetic. The auditory students will learn from lectures and discussion, visual students from materials presented during lecture and lab, and kinesthetic students from the activities in lab. It is my hope that learning will not be a chore, rather a delight which can then inspire further independent information seeking.

I plan to set up my class in a way that informs the students that their education is the goal, but that it is not going to require them to be passive. Active learners are engaged learners, and engaged learners are not falling asleep. Safety, however, must be the number one goal during lab activities to ensure that no student is harmed, inappropriate behavior cannot be tolerated. I have learned from experience that students are more likely to follow guidelines when they have been involved in the development process and can take ownership. Students should be aware of rules and procedures and consequences for actions. In this way I will not only teach life science, but I will also teach life lessons. One of the most frustrating events for students is to not know if their performance and knowledge meets the expectations set forth by the teacher. I plan to do daily evaluations, not always for a grade, to let the students know what they have yet to master and to make myself aware of where I may need to fill in the gaps. Everything done in the classroom ought to be done to achieve the end goal of greater understanding for student and teacher.

Goals are necessary in every facet of life, for if you do not know where you are headed, you do not know which steps to take. My most immediate goal is to secure a teaching position in a Texas public school in my certification area. Upon achievement of that goal, I hope to then find the most effective way to make students comfortable and successful in my classroom. Success is achieving the most you are personally capable of. I plan to set an example of a positive attitude, excitement about knowledge, and a passion for teaching. Maybe then, the students will also love biology as I have grown to love it over the past eight years.

This morning (about 5 minutes ago) I sad down at my computer to work on an assignment for my teacher cert program. Instead I chose to read my short devotional for the day. Let me preface by stating that one day while I was perusing Half Price Books I began looking through their devotionals and came across this cute little book with very short devos called Joy Breaks: 90 Devotions to Celebrate, Simplify, and Add Laughter to Your Life. I thought, what the heck and bought it. What a steal!

These 2-3 page devotionals make me smile and think and analyze my life every day! Today was "Enough is Enough," which I thought was going to be about when you've had so much stress in your life you should....but NO! This was about contentment in what God has already given us. So many times I find myself looking for things to do outside of my house in order to achieve great entertainment. Hello...my house has TONS of books, magazines (mostly Bridal, thanks engaged roomies-I avoid these mags), movies, and a tv. We have board games, card games, and dominoes. I have letters I could write, friends I could call (even though I mostly likely would text first), and recipes to experiment with. Yet I still think that I will find what I need outside of my house. WRONG. The line that caught me most was this, "If contentment cannot be found within yourself, you'll never find it." How true!

So, from this day forward I am going to do my best to find contentment where I am instead of seeking it out from the world. I'm not going to find it out there. It lies in my heart.

I've made a new decision (say resolution, but that's so January!). That decision is to read the Bible cover to cover. Right now I'm in Exodus (the book, not the experience). In the midst of reading chapter 4, I was caught off guard.

The Lord said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Whoe makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go, I will help you speak and will teach you what to say"

Wow! So, does that mean that blindness, deafness, and muteness (spelling?) are gifts from God? I'm not entirely sure, but this is what I take from the situation, but you'll have to imagine along with me. When in junior high I went on a church retreat during which we were blindfolded. While blindfolded, I learned to rely more on my other senses. Sounds seemed more profound, smell was heightened, touch was more significant. When we were once again "given our sight," everything seemed more beautiful. So maybe blindness, deafness, and "muteness" are not punishment, nor are they an experience for which to feel sorry. Rather, they are an opportunity to hear more sweetly, feel more strongly, smell more fully, and taste more profoundly.

Everything from God is an opportunity to find the diamond in the rough. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. And God only gives us as much as we can handle. So, get out there and experience the world for everything it has to offer, impairments and all!

This one's for you, Mom.

Once upon a time there was this adorable little girl who loved her mother very much and gave her no troubles at all...until she hit puberty. Then she was a terror to her mother. Those next 7+ years were a trying time for both the girl and her mother, neither knew if they would make it through alive. By the grace of God, they did make it through. The little girl, now a young adult, moved 500 miles away to go to college and follow her dreams (and discover new ones) and the fighting and bickering began to wane more and more each year. Now this young woman is a college graduate, soon to be teacher, and misses her mother dearly because she has become one of her closest and dearest friends. This just goes to show that absence can make the heart grow fonder.

I'm sure you figured out that this is not a fairy tale story that you had never heard before now, it is the story of my life in a very small nutshell. My formative teenage years were quite terrible for my mother. She and I are very much alike and we were like two north poles on different magnets being forced together. We fought all the time, and boy were they good fights. I knew exactly which buttons to push to make her explode simply because they were the same buttons that would make me explode. But, we worked things out and I don't think any permanent damage was done.

Today I wish that my mom wasn't a teacher so I could call her in the middle of the day to just chat. Both of my roommates are able to do so and I miss the days when it was possible for me. My mother is an amazing woman who is so strong and has been through so much. She loves fiercely and passionately and works so hard at everything she does. Even throughout my terror years she encouraged me in everything I did and supported me through it all. I would not be the person that I am today without her. I hope that I am half the teacher she has become in three short years and I pray that when I have kids they will know as much love as I received as I grew up. If you haven't met this wonderful woman I speak of, you are sure missing out.

Love is a verb, not a feeling.

This is not news to me, but it was a great reminder that I got last night at youth from a junior in high school (a guy actually). If you look up love in the dictionary it will probably say that love is a noun and that it means something like "a feeling of great passion." All I have to say is, bologna! Love is putting another person's needs before your own. It is making a risk to take care of someone it. It's an action of sacrifice.

Obviously this weekend there was a lot of talk about "love" everywhere thanks to Valentine's Day, but as usual we all bought into the hearts made out of sugar, balloons, and chocolate. If we are to truly emulate true love, we aren't supposed to just buy flowers and chocolate, but to honestly try to walk in the other person's shoes.

Another point (while I'm up here on my soap-box of sorts), love is not just meant for those that we are romantically involved with. We are instructed to love everyone just as we love ourselves. This is where the English language makes the word love very complicated. My friend Sam would reference the three different love words in Greek to help explain the process. I am not a Greek scholar nor can I fully explain love (honestly, who can?). But what I know is that we should all strive to love one another by not always putting our feelings and hopes and dreams before everybody else in the world. We as Americans have become very selfish (hello American Dream)! We have begun to turn a blind eye to those that are hurting around us because we love our money so much (worship it might correct in some situations) and because we're afraid that we might get hurt when helping and loving someone else.

So I don't know that I have any "real" advice, but here's my suggestion for the day: get out there and risk loving people. Risk doing something. It's not enough to feel compassion or simply passion for those around you, you must do something about it. I realize that I am not the best at following my own advice on this one, so I am also saying this for my own benefit.

Remember actions speak louder than words=doing an act of kindness/love for someone else speaks louder than saying that you love them.

I'm not sure if it's the weather, or if it's me, or if it's something else entirely, but I've been feeling a little off kilter lately. I don't feel like myself. I don't feel like talking a whole lot, especially not on the phone. My head is just not here this week. So if I've seemed distant, I'm sorry. That's all I've got.

Monday was the big day! It was the day I had to take my 8-12 Life Science TExES (for those of you unfamiliar with that one, it's my certification test). Yesterday I got my score. Yesterday I learned that I passed! Yesterday gave me a sense that, I am in the right place, this is what I'm supposed to be doing. God is so good!!! Come on August!

What if you slept? And what if, in
your sleep, you dreamed?

And what if, in your dream, you went to
heaven and there plucked a strange
and beautiful flower?

And what if, when you awoke, you had
the flower in your hand?

Ah, what then?

Samuel Taylor Coleridge