Becoming Ms. Frizzle

Lately I have really been questioning my decision to go into the classroom. More days than not I feel very ineffective and even more unwanted. I know this is typical when dealing with teenagers, but I seem to notice it more than the teachers around me.

There are several questions I ask myself daily. The first of which is "How can I make students take ownership for their own learning?" More often than not, the answer I arrive at is, I can't. I teach and I reteach. I let the students try to teach one another. I ask the same questions over and over again, and I always come up dry. I play games in class before a test to hopefully solidify the learning. Do you know what happens? I may end up with a handful of As and Bs and the majority of the rest get Cs or fail. Those students who get As and Bs would have most likely done so without the game, because they are either very gifted or have taken ownership (at least partially) of their learning. I am not one to coddle, and feel that that is what is required of me. Yes, I will hold your hand and do everything I can to make you feel better if you're having emotional problems, but if you're not learning the information being taught to you in seven different ways, I cannot and will not hold your hand.

I wonder if I'm struggling so much with this very topic because I was what most teachers would probably consider the "ideal" student. If I didn't understand a concept in class, you bet I was the student asking questions until I did or I'd go home and pour over the information until an epiphany came. I studied for every test. I was shocked and disappointed in myself if I received a grade lower than a 95 (really if it wasn't the highest in the class). Which brings me to my next question:

When are students going to learn that failing once means that they need to study more next time? I have students that fail and fail and fail again, and I don't understand. For me knowing that I did poorly only gave me a boost to study more next time. I don't know if it's that these students are simply defeated after years of poor performance in school, if they haven't made the connection between studying and a good score, or if they simply don't care. Does anybody know how to reach these students?

The next question I must ask myself is whether I am cut out to be a classroom teacher or not. To say I have a strong, fairly dominant personality would be the understatement of the century. Is my personality too much to handle 130 pubescent teenagers' personalities each an every day? Would it be better suited working in an administration role? In a junior college setting? In the library? Or are all of these questions a product of being overworked this first semester? I know that as a first year teacher I should be putting in more work than the other teachers  as they have already put in that work, but I spend most days from 7:00am-5or6:00pm at school only to be followed by potentially more hours at home working on school "stuff." I do not think this is normal for a first year teacher.

Now that I am done ranting, any insights, suggestions, or general advice would be much appreciated.